


Of Monstrosities

by canniballistics



Category: Doctrine of Labyrinths - Sarah Monette
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 19:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canniballistics/pseuds/canniballistics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Mildmay spends a day for himself, and finds that some things don't change and some things do. Set in between The Virtu and Mirador.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Monstrosities

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lusa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lusa/gifts).



It wasn’t until a few months had passed after I got back that Mehitabel suggested I get out. In a lot more words than that, and a lot nicer, too, but that was the gist of it. Thing is, I didn’t want to leave, and Felix was caught up in himself too much to make me go anywhere else except court with him. Gideon was okay company, after the first couple of decads when I could stand to be around people. I think them hocuses Simon and Rinaldo tried to stop by to thank me for getting them out of the Bastion, but I wasn’t taking no visitors. Didn’t want to see no one, and for the most part, there was no one wanted to see me. Didn’t even want to talk about it, neither. And thankfully, Gideon got that. I knew he was curious, but he gave up asking about me after a few days, along of my not answering and mostly leaving when he did. When I wasn’t at court with Felix, Gideon and I would sit in Felix’s sitting room and play cards. Mostly Long Tiffany, and some Kekropian variation that he had to teach me, but we got on okay. I didn’t need to talk and he couldn’t, and that was just fine with me.

It wasn’t until one day when Mehitabel came in and the two of them changed looks that I knew they’d been talking about me. Gideon excused himself, and I’ll admit that maybe I was kind of sullen as Mehitabel took his seat. I don’t like people talking about me where I can’t see ‘em, even if we’ve been through some shit together. She’d been good to me, seeing as how she was the only one who acted like she really cared that I get out and do normal things again, but I still didn’t want to talk much. I guess it worked out, anyway; she was the one did most of the talking.

“Mildmay,” she started, and I could see she’d got her governess-self on, like I was her student and I’d gone and fucked something up. Didn’t appreciate that none, but I couldn’t help being thankful for small favors that she knew me, knew I wasn’t going to give her more than I wanted to, and so she kept right on talking instead of waiting for me to answer her. “I know you seem to be perfectly content with staying in Felix’s rooms and doing your very best to assimilate yourself into the furniture, but the rest of us are worried about you. You need to get out once in a while, and I don’t just mean to court and the Curia with Felix.” It was more than tempting to roll my eyes at that, but the look she gave me said as how she knew what I was about to do and she’d smack me one for it. Which, I’d like to see her try, but I guess I owed it to her to sit and at least listen if they been so worried. “We aren’t asking for too much, you know. I’m sure your friend Cardenio would say the same.”

That gave me a bit of a jolt, and I frowned at her. I sure as hell hadn’t never mentioned him, I don’t think, except to Felix, but I didn’t think he’d go around telling people things like that. Kethe, I doubted he even remembered me saying anything about Cardenio. So how did _Mehitabel_ of all people know him?

And y’know what, I was glad of Mehitabel and the way she seemed to get me; she answered the question before I could even ask, while I was still debating asking. “He was the one who told us you’d been..taken. He came to us here in the Mirador and said a-- a _monster_ had come out of the river and told him.”

That surprised me even more, and all at once I remembered holding down a thrashing monster in the basement cellars of St. Kirban while Mr. von Heber tried to fix it with magic. The Kalliphorne and her sick husband. It’d almost be funny, if I didn’t know what to make of it. She’d found Cardenio, just like I told her those indictions ago, and told him about me. Kethe, it felt like it’d been a Great Septad at _least_ since then. Something funny started kicking around behind my ribs, along of how it sounded like if it hadn’t been for her and Cardenio, no one would have known where I’d got to, or who had me. Took a minute to realize it was shock, and that maybe I was kind of touched that she’d remembered me after all this time. The scar sure as fuck made my face memorable, but that she’d remembered and actually... _cared_ enough to go find Cardenio was twisting me up all kinds of funny ways. And powers, that was the weirdest fucking thought.

One monster caring about another. Who’d have thought?

I guess the face I was making wasn’t nothing pretty, along of how Mehitabel took my hand and said my name all gentle, like she was worried or something. I had to take a minute to compose myself. _You’re slipping, Milly-fox._ But it was the kind of niggling thing that just wouldn’t go away once it’d got itself nice and settled in your brain, and I knew I was going to have to go see them. Cardenio and the Kalliphorne, I mean - they were as much responsible for me still being breathing as Felix and Mehitabel were. And they were the only ones that didn’t know if I was okay. At least, I was assuming so. It wasn’t like Felix really cared much about thanking the appropriate parties unless it had to do with him and giving him shiny things, and Mehitabel and Gideon probably didn’t know the first thing about getting in contact with the two of them, if the thought had even crossed their minds.

So I shook my head, looked Mehitabel in the eye. “Yeah, you’re right. I got to get out of here some time, I guess.” And I could see she was about to question me more, so I added real quick, “I swear. I’ll get out and go do...something. Just give me a couple days to decide what, all right?”

She paused, like she was considering her answer, and I couldn’t help hoping that Kethe would let me go this once and that she’d drop it. But she smiled, and I could see Gideon turning away out of the corner of my eye as she leaned in to kiss me. I still wasn’t used to courtesy, but if he thought we deserved it then I wasn’t gonna stop him. Mehitabel kissed me for a couple more seconds before squeezing my hand and standing up to brush out the skirts of her dress.

“All right. I’m going to hold you to that, Mildmay. You should come see me sometime, okay?” A glance at the clock that sat on top of Felix’s mantel, and she cursed. “I’ve got to run, I’m late for my audition with a new company.” And Mehitabel was gone, leaving me and Gideon staring at each other before I shrugged and he came back to sit down. There was a long moment where he was just looking at me, before he took out his little wax tablet and wrote something on it.

_“Are you really going to keep your word?”_

Something about that set my teeth on edge, and I kind of wanted to say something nasty in response. But Gideon didn’t deserve it; either he was spying for Mehitabel as to what I was gonna do or he was genuinely worried, which was what that whole conversation had been about anyways. So I just looked at him real even, kept my voice as neutral as I could.

“Yeah. I keep my promises.”

Maybe the words hung kind of heavy in the air, but it was what I didn’t say that was worse: _”Unlike some people.”_ And Gideon couldn’t even protest, because he knew it was true. I ain’t like Felix, if I say I’ll do something then I’ll do it. There wasn’t much of anything else to say to that, so Gideon tucked his tablet away, shuffled the cards, and dealt out a new game.

* * *

A couple days later, Felix, Gideon and me were in the sitting room after court again, the two of them at the table with books spread out across it between them and me sitting along the wall and doing my best impression of the wallpaper. I’d got the plan pretty solid in my head, the only problem now was getting Felix to okay me leaving for a little while. Which, if he didn’t, that made Mehitabel and Gideon’s whole plan to get me out fall apart, and if I got to be honest, I was getting kind of sick of staring at the walls in that room anyway. So I stood as quietly as I could, trying not to be too big of a distraction.

“Felix.”

That seemed to surprise him, his skew eyes going wide as he looked up from his books and papers at me. Powers, I didn’t like that look none - it was almost like he hadn’t expected I would ever talk to him again. Which, I guess that was half my fault since I hadn’t done much talking at all, but I wasn’t gonna apologize for it, and apparently he hadn’t expected me to. I could see it take him a minute to realize he should respond, so I didn’t say nothing while he gathered himself and set his things aside all delicate-like before he answered me. “Yes, Mildmay?”

Kethe, please let this work— “I’m, uh--” I almost wanted to shut up and sit back down, but I could see the look Gideon was giving me, and I knew I couldn’t back down now. I took a deep breath, looking back at Felix instead. “I’m gonna go for a few hours, okay? It don’t seem like the two of you need me for much right now anyway.”

And powers and saints, you’d have thought I’d just told him I was going to skin him alive and make myself a coat, the way he stared at me. I could feel my face getting hot, and I was about ready to just say “Fuck this” and sit back down when he got his voice back under control, folded his hands all primly in front of him. “And just where are you planning on going?”

Don’t ask me that, anything but that. But he wasn’t leaning on the binding-by-forms none to make me tell him the truth. Which I guess was his way of trying to make things okay, at least for a little while. “Just gonna stretch my leg around a back hallway or something. Probably gonna go see Mehitabel, too.” Which wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the straight truth neither.

I expected him to make a fuss of me going anywhere, much less somewhere he couldn’t see me. But I could see his eyes slide off to the side to Gideon, and I knew they were having another one of their hocus conversations. I didn’t know if it’d work, but if Gideon was putting in a word for me, I appreciated it. Felix nodded after a minute, gave me a little dismissive wave.

“Gideon seems to think that a walk would do you some good in counteracting the vegetative state you seem to have gotten yourself into. I don’t think there’s anything I need you for at the moment, anyway. Make sure to be back by supper, all right?”

Which was so far from the answer I was expecting that it just about knocked me on my ass. But I didn’t question it none, just nodding before grabbing a coat and letting myself out into the hall. From there, it was just a matter of following the plan I’d set out for myself. I walked through the halls of the Mirador, and that hadn’t been a lie. I did need to stretch my leg, and it didn’t hurt none to be warmed up for the trip. The thing I’d been banking on, that Felix hadn’t seemed to remember about, was that he’d taken off my ban from the Lower City. I figured that so long as I didn’t make a big stink down there, I could go see Cardenio and the Kalliphorne and be back quick enough to suit Felix, and he wouldn’t be none the wiser.

* * *

It wasn’t too difficult to get out of the Mirador and down to the Lighthill guardhouse, but I knew that to get through the Lower City relatively quietly was going to be kind of difficult, along of how many people down there still didn’t like me. Probably liked me even less, seeing as how I was living with my hocus brother in the Mirador, but there wasn’t nothing I could do about that, and for the most part I didn’t care enough to try. The problem was that a hansom wasn’t going to stop for me when they saw my red hair, no matter how convenient it would have been for me. At least, not without overcharging me something fierce, and even with the allowance Felix was giving me off his stipends, I didn’t feel like being taken for all I had. Not when I wanted to get some things first, anyway. I tugged a scarf I’d kited from Felix’s room out of my pocket and tied it over my hair to try to hide it as best I could, turned my face away so the drivers couldn’t see my scar too well, before stepping out to the curb and trying to flag one of them down.

Sure enough, one of them stopped and didn’t pay too much attention to my face until he got close enough to see it, and by then it was too late for him to turn back. That was his own bad luck, though, so I told him where I wanted to go and gave him my meanest look so he wouldn’t try to rip me off. It worked too, with how spooked he looked, and I climbed into the cab and watched out the window as the Lower City passed around me. As much as she didn’t like me no more, I missed her with every fiber of my being, and it was some cold comfort to see that she was getting on just fine without me. My heart started knocking around in my chest something awful, though, so I had to close my eyes after a while. Wasn’t nothing to be done about the sounds filtering in from outside, but I blocked them out as best I could.

It sure looked like all I could do these days was just plain old jack shit. But that was fine with me, so long as no one else wanted me to do something for ‘em.

It was easy enough to stop by a couple of shops to get what I needed, and even if the cabbie didn’t want to stay, I was paying him well enough and looked scary enough that he wasn’t sure what I was gonna do if he bolted. I hate the intimidation thing, I wish I could leave it behind; but shit, if it’ll get me what I want without having to pull a knife, then fine. So be it. I ignored the looks he gave me as we went first to a jewelry shop, and then a butcher, loaded my things into the cab with me before telling him to head to the Fishmarket to see the cade-skiffs.

Now, I wasn’t sure at all about doing this. I didn’t know if I could really face Cardenio right now, along of how I was still just a little fucked up from what happened and still relearning how to be around people. But he’d been worried enough about me to pull some strings and come warn the others about what happened, so I figured I kind of owed him. Besides, it was Cardenio. He was probably about the only real friend I had left, and not just from my life before Felix.

I had to steel myself before getting out of the cab, making sure the little box I’d got was secure in my pocket. I remembered how happy he’d been when I gave him those earrings, so I’d found a bracelet that sort of matched, a thin gold thing that was hinged at its half with a jade snake wrapped around it. The clasp was this genius thing, with the snake eating its own tail. It was some kind of symbolism, but I was fucked if I had to remember what. Zephyr’d know, and probably Felix too, but neither of them was here and Cardenio probably knew anyway. So it didn’t matter none if I didn’t know.

Turns out it also didn’t matter how nervous I’d been about seeing him; after I’d finally got up the courage to knock at the door and ask for him, another cade-skiff I didn’t know told me he wasn’t in, probably wouldn’t be back for another decad or two. Which was just fucking great. Part of me wanted to ask just where the hell he was, half out of my head with anxiety over seeing him, but I knew better than that. Wherever he was, it was cade-skiff business, and you don’t fuck around with it.

I didn’t know what else to do, so I shoved my hands back into my pockets and climbed back into the hansom. I could tell the driver was getting tetchy with me; if he was stuck with me all day, he wasn’t going to get no other fares. I had to bite my tongue to keep from snapping at him. One more visit, and then back to the Mirador, and he could go on debugging his hansom and carting around flashies and hocuses all he fucking liked.

If I said I didn’t have no clue how to talk to Cardenio, then I had even less of an idea how to talk to the Kalliphorne. The only two ways I could think of to get down there to see her were going backwards through the Hellmouth, which was just about impossible with the currents and my leg, and what with my not having a boat of my own. And then there was the normal way: going into St. Kirban’s and having to face Phoskis. Which, don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t scared of him or nothing. Truth of the matter was, I almost wanted to fucking knife him and not just because of how much we hated each other. Last time, he’d set the Kalliphorne to kill me. Didn’t matter that she’d ended up helping, in the long run. And even if he’d failed in the attempt, the fact of the matter was that he’d still tried, and probably would have gotten away with it if Mavortian von Heber hadn’t been the one I was getting out of the city and the Kalliphorne needed his magic.

So yeah, I had a bone to pick with Phoskis Terrapin. But I wasn’t going there to settle it. I just wanted to see the Kalliphorne, thank her for what she did for me, and get the fuck out of there. Did I have a plan for it? Sort of, but not really. But I wasn’t getting that bad feeling in my gut like when I was on a bad job— I was actually feeling kind of good about this, despite the fact I had to face that fat bastard again and needed to figure out how I was going to get out of there on the right side of that door to the cellars.

For once, it seemed like Kethe was smiling on me. I noticed some angel-faced kid standing outside the door as I was getting out of the hansom, and from the expression on his face there was no doubt that he’d noticed me, too. Being stuck with Phoskis for months for that job with Lord Cornell Teverius had its perks; I could see that he was hating Phoskis just as much as I had, from the way he glanced at the door and debated if he should tell him he had a visitor. Maybe I could use that to my advantage.

I waved him over before he’d decided, making sure that I was out of the line of sight if Phoskis was watching us. The kid couldn’t have had more than two septads to him, maybe an indiction or two less, with longish brown hair and skew eyes like Felix. His were blue and gray, though, and I couldn’t help thinking of the sky on a stormy day. He definitely didn’t trust me none, but from how easily he’d come over, it looked like he hated Phoskis more than he distrusted me. That was just fine, and I ignored the look on his face when he saw my scar. It didn’t faze me anymore, and I kept my voice low in that way that all kept-thieves did so it was just the two of us could hear me.

“Look, kid, I don’t know who you are, and I don’t care. But I can bet you’re standing surety for your Keeper same as I used to do, and I know Phoskis ain’t no peach to work for. I don’t care about that, neither.” He frowned, and probably he was wondering just how much I knew. Either that, or I was slurring because of my scar, and I repeated myself, trying to speak clearer. “Ain’t no way I could have been anything different from you. And you know that.” He nodded after a minute, still quiet, and I couldn’t help thinking _Kethe, is he mute or something?_ I was almost starting to miss Felix’s chatter. But we understood each other, and I could see him coming around to my side of it. Thank Kethe for small favors.

“Here’s the deal. Me and Phoskis, we ain’t friends. And the last time I was here, he tried to get his monster to kill me.” The kid’s eyes widened, and I knew he knew about the Kalliphorne and how no one ever survived her attacks. It was kind of impossible not to, but he knew and saw that I was still alive and that was what mattered. Didn’t question _how_ I was still alive after supposedly having been set upon by her, but he was respecting me now. I nodded towards the door. “I got to get in there to talk to the monster’s husband,” and his face opened up with shock, “so I need a favor from you. You ain’t got to do much. Just make sure the door is unlocked so I can get back out without having to take a boat and go the long way.”

I pulled a half a gorgon from my pocket, flashed it just long enough that he knew he could keep it if he helped me out. I could see him debating it, whether or not it’d get him into some shit with his Keeper, and in all honesty, if he decided to turn me down, I couldn’t blame him. My own Keeper was a bitch, that was for sure, but that didn’t mean that his Keeper had to be too. I didn’t know the relationship between them, and I wasn’t gonna ask, same as I wasn’t going to ask about why he had to be stuck with Phoskis. I just needed him to hurry up and decide if he was going to help me or not. The longer I was gone, the more suspicious Felix would be, and I sure as hell didn’t want to explain.

After what felt like indictions, the kid nodded, so I handed him the half gorgon and he slipped it into his pocket, but not before I grabbed his hand, pulled him a little closer. Just because my leg was fucked, it didn’t mean my reflexes were. I wasn’t grabbing him hard enough to hurt, just enough for him to know that it was important. “One more thing, kid.” His eyes were big as bell wheels, and I could tell if I didn’t let go soon this whole shaky deal was gonna fall apart. “I told you how Phoskis don’t like me. I got no grudge with you, but if he tells you to go after me to try to kill me, and you pull something, it ain’t gonna end well for you. I won’t try nothing unless you do. Understand?”

The kid nodded again, and I let him go. He bolted back like I was gonna knife him or something, got himself under control enough to be walking calmly back into St. Kirban’s. Hopefully to tell Phoskis that he had a visitor and not about the deal we’d just made, but I guess I’d see once I got inside.

So I took my time, ignoring the way my leg was threatening to get and tucking the other package I’d brought into my coat, where it didn’t look like nothing more than a problem with the way the coat hung off me. I opened the door, careful as you please, and didn’t let myself squint as it closed behind me and everything turned green for the couple minutes it took for my eyes to adjust to the sudden dark.

“Mildmay,” came that same gravelly voice, as uncomfortably close as always. Powers, I’d always hated the way he did that.

“Shit, Phoskis, ain’t no one told you about personal space?” I stayed right where I was, though, didn’t let it show on my face. He hated me, yeah, but he was scared of me too, and unless he and the Kalliphorne were on friendly speaking terms, he didn’t know how I’d escaped her two indictions ago. And that made him more scared. I jangled the coins in my pocket to let him know I was here for a purpose. “I want to go down into the cellars.”

“Why? So you can kill the other one?” His voice was filled with poison, and it startled me to know that he thought I’d killed her. I didn’t see why would crawl up his ass like that, neither; it wasn’t like he owned them, and I knew that he’d probably make for some pretty good eating for the two of them. My vision was starting to clear up, and I took a step towards his voice. I wasn’t expecting to hear him scrabbling back.

Powers. He was even more scared of me now. “I got my own reasons. You gonna let me go or not?”

“From what I hear, you’re sitting pretty up in the Mirador. I can’t imagine what you’d wanna get out of the city for. Kill someone again?” There was a loaded silence, and I knew that he could sense he’d touched a nerve. “Five—”

“One septa, and I don’t slit your fat fucking throat right now.”

The thing about making deals is, usually the other guy can hang you out to dry and take you for all you got if they have what you want. In my case, the key to get to the cellars where the Kalliphorne was. But fear is also a pretty powerful weapon, just like the survival instinct. The only thing Phoskis loved more than money was himself. In fact, those were probably the only two things he gave a shit about. He knew who I was and what I could do. He probably still suspected me in that thing with Cornell Teverius, if no one had bothered to fill him in. Plus, he thought that I’d killed the Kalliphorne. So he might have had the key, but he was scared to cross me. And I was banking on that to get him to do what I wanted him to.

“Put the money on the table.”

It was ice cold the way he said it, and I knew there wasn’t no way he was going to let me go down there without demanding that the Kalliphorne’s husband kill me. I laid the money on the table, listening out of one ear at the sound of murmuring out there in the dark, and the kid from before came over with the key. I made like I didn’t know him, and he was pretty good at doing the same. “I’m supposed to guide you. Some of the steps have broken in the last indiction.”

Oh, so he did speak. Phoskis and I both knew that I didn’t need no help, and this kid probably knew it too. But he didn’t say nothing about it, and I let him lead me over to the door and wave me through it, making like he was locking the door behind us. I heard the subtle click that said otherwise, though, and if I knew Phoskis, he probably was too mad to have heard it and was storming off somewhere. The fat fuck probably thought that I’d kill the kid and be weakened enough so the Kalliphorne could finish me off, and he could make nice with whoever the kid’s Keeper was and say I came through and attacked the boy for looking at me funny.

I tried not to look at him as we walked, even though he kept staring at me, but it wasn't long before I finally got sick of it. “You gonna try anything, kid, you better try it soon.”

He jumped about a septad foot in the air, and shook his head at me. “No, sir. I wasn’t gonna. I was just—” And there was a pause, so I stopped and waited for him to keep going. “I was just wondering what to tell Keeper if Phoskis throws me out because I didn’t.”

I’d seen that look in his eyes too often in other kids to misunderstand what it meant: he didn’t have a nice Keeper neither, and lots of shit was gonna rain down on him if he screwed this up. And fuck me for being a softie, I couldn’t help but sigh as a plan bloomed in my mind. “What’s your name, kid?”

He paused. “...Dez.”

“Can you swim?”

Those weird eyes of his went wide at the question, and I could see him wondering just what I was getting at. “N-- No. I can’t. Why?”

At least he wasn’t one of Keeper’s kids, and I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. But I turned and started back down the stairs, letting him follow behind me. “I got a plan.” It didn’t help much if he couldn’t swim, but probably we could work something out. “When I’m done here, I’m gonna go back up there and leave through that door. I’ll leave the key on one of the steps for you. You come up too after a while, and tell him that you tried to get me but I overpowered you, and you got away by playing dead. Got it?”

I could see it rolling through his head, wondering if it would work, before nodding. “Okay. But how do we make him believe it?” Powers, it was a weird conversation, and one I wasn’t liking having, but I knew from having had to stay with Phoskis for months on end that Dez was probably glad for someone to talk to who wasn’t gonna treat him like shit.

“That’s the tricky part.” I didn’t like it none even before I said the words. “I’m gonna have to rough you up some, and you’ll probably have to go into the Sim.” I looked away as I said it, and the worst part about it was catching a glimpse of how flat and empty his face went.

“Okay.” And that was what took me by surprise. I didn’t want to hurt a kid I didn’t know, especially who didn’t deserve it. I was maybe even starting to take a liking to him. I stopped, looking at him again. His eyes were kind of far away and hard even as he was looking at me, and he said, “It don’t matter to me.”

Kethe. I didn’t know who his Keeper was or what they did to their kids and I wasn’t gonna ask, but I wanted to gut them. That wasn’t a good look for a kid his age to have. And I mean, you got to understand. I wasn’t doing no nice shit when I was his age, neither, but that didn’t mean that I wished the same fate or a cruel Keeper on anyone else.

Maybe it was because I was feeling bad for him, but for the rest of the way I told him one of the shortest stories I knew, to take up time. And maybe it was also sort of an apology. It wasn’t that far to the docks where Phoskis kept his boats, but I wanted to let Dez know I didn’t bear him no ill will and didn’t like having to lay a hand on him any more than he did. He said as how he’d never heard the story of Mephis and the living doll girl when I asked, and I liked telling stories besides, so for a while, that was the only thing to hear.

I was just getting to the end where the doll gets her own name when we reached the docks, so I wrapped the story up and kind of stood there in silence. This part, I didn’t have no clue about, so I kind of just looked around for a minute and wondered how to call the Kalliphorne over. “Lady?” I made sure to keep my voice kind of quiet, in case Phoskis had a way of hearing down here, but it was the only thing I could think of.

There was a quiet gasp from behind me, and both Dez and I stared as her husband appeared at the edge of the dock. Don’t ask me how I knew it was him, but I did. He regarded us in silence for a moment before he turned his head, and there was that Teakettle sound that I recognized from before as the way they spoke to each other. I nodded to him, and he nodded back, and after a moment, his wife joined us.

“Fox-like one.” She seemed almost pleased as she spoke, not hoisting herself up onto the dock but propping her forearms on it and leaning on them. “You are being returned. Good.”

“Yes, Lady.” Kethe, I still had no idea how it turned out to be like I was friends with the fucking Kalliphorne. I took a couple steps toward her, taking out the package I’d brought from beneath my coat. “I wanted to thank you. For, y’know, helping me.”

She frowned, and I knew she’d noticed the way I was walking now. Shit. “Being sick? Not moving so fox-like anymore.” And I could have laughed, because Kethe, how crazy was it that a monster like the Kalliphorne was worried about me?

“Yeah. I got. Um. Crippled. About an indiction ago.” I pulled out my knife and cut the strings holding my parcel closed before offering it to her. “Um. Here. It’s the best cut of meat from a butcher’s shop over near Dragonteeth. It’s fresh,” I added, as if that would make any difference.

The Kalliphorne took it, and if I didn’t know any better it looked like she was _smiling_. “Being very kind of you. Come. See pups. Bring scaredy one too.”

And it took me a minute to understand what she’d said. Pups? Powers and saints. She’d had babies in the time I was gone. I’ll admit, I was a little morbidly curious to know what a baby Kalliphorne looked like, and I didn’t want to cross her neither, so I went to climb into one of the boats and motioned for Dez to follow after me. I could tell he was terrified, his eyes were so huge, and I couldn’t blame him, what with the stories of the Kalliphorne floating around and seeing how easily I was talking to them. There was a hell of a lot I couldn’t blame the kid for, it seemed, but now wasn’t the time or place to talk about it, and as soon as we were settled, the Kalliphorne’s husband grabbed onto the boat and pulled us over to their little niche. I didn’t want to think about how easily he did it, too, and how it’d be just as easy for him to tear us to shreds if we did anything wrong.

What happened after that felt like one of the most surreal moments of my life. Long story short, by the time we got there, the Kalliphorne was feeding my gift to her pups, and the little ones took a keen interest to Dez. We didn’t stay for more than a few minutes, along of how the longer we took to put our plan into action the less likely it was that Phoskis would believe it. I didn’t want to think about what would happen if he didn’t. The Kalliphorne’s mate pulled our boat back to the dock after our little visit, and the two of us stood there just looking at each other, like we couldn’t believe what just happened.

I’d come away from it with a tear in the sleeve of my coat where one of the pups had got their claw hooked on me, but Dez was a little worse for the wear with a gash above one of his eyebrows where another pup had accidentally hit him with its tail. The sight of the blood there reminded me of what we’d have to do to make our story believable, and I took a deep breath as I turned to him. His face told me that he remembered too, and I had to give him credit for how stoic he was being about it all.

“Hey, Dez.” He was quiet as he looked at me, but I could see it in his eyes that he’d warmed up to me. And that made this harder. “For the record, you’re a good kid. And I’m sorry for this. I don’t like it no more than you do.”

He didn’t say anything, just nodded, and for a brief second, I was reminded of Zephyr. Then my fist was out and hard against the side of his face. I only hit him a few times, only in places where he’d bruise easy and it’d be more convincing when Phoskis saw them. And yes, I pulled my punches. I ain’t gonna lie and say that it didn’t make me sick to my stomach to do it anyway. I wasn’t no sadist, and I’d taken a liking to him. The cut from the Kalliphorne baby helped make it look like I’d done worse, which was good for him I guess, and I pulled out my knife to make the tear in my coat bigger. I wish I could have made myself look like I'd been fucked up, but I didn’t want to have to explain that to Felix. So I trampled on my coat, messed up my shirt and pulled my hair out of its queue. Enough to make it look like I got into a struggle, and the two of us sat there for a minute afterward dreading the next step.

Dez was the one who broke the silence. “You got to put me in the Sim now.”

“Yeah. I know.”

We both got up and walked down to the lowest part of the stairs, where they vanished underwater, and I grabbed a hold of his hand. His eyes were wide as he looked back at me, and Kethe, I hated doing this. I tightened my grip as best I could without hurting him. “I won’t let go of you, okay?”

He looked down at the blackness of the water, and there was a second where I could actually see him steeling himself for it. “Okay.” And he lowered himself into the water.

It couldn’t have been more than ten seconds that he was under, but it felt like decads, and I pulled him back up onto the stairs as quick as I could. He was soaked through and shivering, and powers, I would have given anything right then if we could just go back to when we got back to the dock and just leave straight from there. But his gaze was steady, and he splashed a little water on me to make it more believable before telling me to go. So I did.

I was maybe fifteen steps above him when I heard his voice echoing below me. “Mildmay?”

It really shouldn’t have surprised me that he knew my name, but it was the first time he’d used it. I stopped and looked back at him. “Yeah?”

And powers and saints, it was kind of dark to tell but I could have sworn he was smiling at me. “Thanks for the story. I really liked it.”

My voice got all choked up in my throat, and it took me a second to answer. “You’re welcome. Good luck, Dez. With everything.”

I didn’t wait for a reply before I started back up the stairs again, quickly to make it look like I was out of breath from a fight. I unlocked the door, and stashed the key on one of the steps before opening it and stepping out.

“Did you do it?”

That bastard’s voice crawled out from the darkness before I was even halfway through the door, and I had to grit my teeth to keep from doing anything reckless. I don’t know what pissed me off more: that he had sent a kid he had no real hold over to try to kill me, or that he thought I could be taken down by a kid. Either way, there was a surprised hiss when he saw it was me, and I grinned real wide in that direction.

“What the fuck do you think, Phoskis?”

I got out of there quickly, and it was kind of a miracle that the cabbie was still waiting for me when I got back. I climbed inside and told him to head back to the Mirador, straightening myself out and smoothing out the wrinkles in my clothes the best I could on the way.

* * *

Felix was gone by the time I got back. Gideon and Mehitabel were in his sitting room talking over something, but they shut up quick when I opened the door. I could see the confusion cross their faces at how rumpled I looked, and how there came to be a tear in my sleeve. They looked me over almost expectantly, as if they were expecting to hear all about what I’d been doing. I nodded to Mehitabel.

“You seen Felix yet today?”

That caught her off guard, and she frowned a little. “No, not yet. Why?”

“Far as he knows, I was out with you all day. My coat got snagged on a nail.”

Her frown deepened some. I could see her turning it over in her head, coming up with stuff we could have done before nodding. “Okay. Care to share with the class what you were _really_ out doing?”

I was quiet, shrugging out of my coat and hanging it up where the pageboy would know to pick it up when he came to collect Felix’s laundry. I wasn’t sure what to say, but they probably wouldn’t approve of any of it.

“Mildmay?”

Her voice was quiet, questioning, and I thought to myself _Kethe, I can’t have her asking no questions._ So I looked them both in the eye, one at a time. “I went to see a friend.”

That plus the look on my face shut them up but good, so I took the opportunity to shuffle into my little closet bedroom and shut the door behind me. They didn't need me for anything, and Felix could come get me when he wanted me. My leg thanked me for it when I sat down on the bed, but I didn't sleep or nothing. I couldn’t stop thinking about the Kalliphorne pups and the way Dez had smiled at me, and even if I had been reminded of how much of a monster I was when I’d looked at him for that last time, I kind of felt like it would be okay. For me, the Kalliphorne and their pups, and the kid. And maybe it would be.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why the character Dez stuck around for so long. He was just supposed to be a plot device to make it easier for Mildmay to get in and out of St. Kirban's. It's not _quite_ what you specified, but I had a lot of fun writing it. I truly hope you enjoyed it. Happy holidays!


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